I love celebrating birthdays!
One of my favorite things in the world is making people happy, and I get SO excited when I find out it's someones birthday. I love finding a gift for someone I know will make them plotz, and seeing the look on their face when they say, "Oh, my god! I can't believe you remembered I wanted this!" That look is pure fucking happiness. And it makes my heart feel full.
Please, don't misunderstand me. I don't celebrate birthdays in the "I-love-you-more-today-than-any-other-day" sort of way, because we all know that's not true, nor is that how birthdays are supposed to be. You love a person the same amount as you always did, but everyone deserves to be celebrated sometimes. Once a year seems like a good time to do it! And if you are in my life, and I love the shit out of you, you're damn straight that I am going to celebrate the day you were brought onto this planet; the day you literally came alive, so that years later, we could meet and have a relationship, whether it be a romantic one or a friendship or familial.
When I love a person, and I know their birthday is approaching, I want to jump up and down, throw glitter confetti at them, and give them something that really shows them how much I, not only, pay attention, but also shows how much I care about them, and love them. I want to make them feel that they are special, and so, so, SO, important to the world, and to my world.
I guess it's probably silly of me to think that other people will do the same for me. Sometimes, it makes me feel like my birth wasn't that important. That me coming into this world doesn't matter that much and maybe I don't need to be here, in your life, or my own. And I know that's not fair, because it's pretty simple...
"You'll end up really disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you."
I am sure you've probably deduced that my birthday is soon. Like, three days away soon. And I am going to be 32 years old. I've had enough birthday's, I've had enough people tell me they love me and I matter. Only, it never seems to stick...
I know, logically, my family loves me. I know my parents love me, in their own bizarre way, and I know that 32 years ago when I was born, people threw a party! My mom had a baby shower, and everyone waited at the hospital for my dad or the doctor to come out and say, "Congratulations! It's a girl!" And everyone was so excited to meet me! Babies are the coolest because no one knows them! They are brand spanking new to the world, and we all know after a few years, the ... excitement and visits and people saying "OMG she is so cute!" dies down. Once babies aren't babies anymore, people tend to pull back. You're a person now. With a personality and characteristics and likes and dislikes and beliefs and opinions. I think it's safe to say that people stop being "so cute" once they become an actual person.
Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I go a bit over the top for some people because birthday's aren't as important to them as they are to me. But I still get joy celebrating other people. My son's birthday is my favorite day of the year. Then my husbands birthday, then my best friends birthday, and her daughters birthday... Mine is pretty far down on the list, but, I'm not going to lie, it would be nice to be celebrated as hard as I celebrate them.
Maybe this year, I'll celebrate myself... not in a cocky sort of way but in a "this is your life, and it's the only one you're gonna get, so you better stop being all depressive emo goth chick, and start being grateful. Be a badass, and start living it."