Sunday, May 1, 2011

"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."

In books, people fall in love helplessly, effortlessly and quicker than we believe to be possible in real life. They see someone from across the room, their eyes lock and in an instant, they both know it's love, they just need to figure out a way to tell them.  This scenario rarely happens in the real world, or ever. But fiction is based on reality, isn't it? So who am I to say it's impossible?  Do I, personally, believe in love at first sight? No.  Lust and attraction, yes, but love?  How can you truly love a person you don't even know?  Someone you've never spoken to, have no idea what their interests or hobbies are, or whether they even notice you at all. 

I've had my share of crushes on guys, most of whom didn't like me back or even acknowledge my existence.  I've also had guys who've been interested in me, but I didn't feel the same.  I think I've learned over the past few years when a guy likes you and when he doesn't.  I've also learned how guys are able to sweet talk their way into your hearts, only to break it once they've gotten what they've wanted from you.  What I, unfortunately, haven't learned yet, is how to tell the difference between sweet talk and sincerity.


So, what do you do when you start seeing your life turn into a book?  When the things that are happening around you are too good to be true and only happen in stories?  When do guys in reality say things like, "You're a breath of fresh air." Or ask, "Where have you been?" And because you're so thrown by the question, all you can think of to say back is, "Lost." So he replies, "I think I've found you."  Conversations like that only happen in young adult love stories about the beautiful, rich new boy in school who falls for the shy, quiet, emo girl who no one notices until he shows up. 


When did my life become a fairytale? 


I haven't even known him for two weeks, and I can already feel myself falling.  But I'm afraid to open my eyes because I don't want to know how much farther the drop is before I hit the ground, and I shatter into a million tiny pieces. 


So, I've decided to keep my eyes closed and enjoy the ride.  Let the wind carry me as long as it's going to and allow myself to revel in this feeling because it's too good to be afraid of it. What's life without a little risk?


The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.